Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

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alenigma
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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by alenigma » Tue Feb 06, 2018 7:19 pm

That boss you hollered at and took down, probably knew that you were better suited to be his boss and you cowed him. Good job, Beav!!!! ;)
"Life Is A Conundrum" - The Riddler. :mrgreen:



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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by beaverpond » Tue Feb 06, 2018 7:51 pm

Nah, he was the one that treated me more of an equal ... when he got promoted our management styles did not gel well with others. There was talk that separating us was a good thing for the company. After 10 years and my final district manager, I decided I had had enough of the crud from this one and my seizures were getting out of control and I cleaned out my 401k when the seizures just could not be controlled even when out of there. So I spent the next few years living off that as we tried to figure out how to control the seizures with no luck. The doctor helped me get SSDI and I still have days where the meds and implant are working poorly.

I have run into those at that chain of c-stores in upper management and found that I have relocated to another area of our state and could not believe where they found me at. They thought I dropped off the face of the earth. Nope, that did not happen. One of the cashiers said to the district manager, I am not sure who this customer is but this guy has been able to guide us through some of our register problems when we can't reach the main office. Boy did that tick this one off as he used to be my district manager many moons ago and I am sure he said to them that he did not want them getting assistance from me at any point in time. He made the mistake of asking me if I remembered him and I said yes of course I do...you are the one whose wife found out you were having an affair with not only somebody at the main office but also one of your managers out in the field, would you like me to keep going. He said, no you have said enough.
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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by HiddenHollow » Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:13 am

A man goes to visit a fortune teller.

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your wife will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, the man stares at the fortune teller's lined face,then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands.

He took a few deep breaths to compose himself. He simply had to know. He met the fortune-teller's gaze, steadied his voice, and asked his question:
"Will I be found guilty?"
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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by HiddenHollow » Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:17 am

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon.

Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

“Where have you been?” demanded his spouse.

“Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until 8 p.m..”

His spouse glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”
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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by HiddenHollow » Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:28 pm

Thinking of Beaver.


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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by jsw14 » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:39 pm

:s_rofl :s_rofl Good One H.... :like:
BS & Brilliance only come with Age & Experience!!

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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by HiddenHollow » Wed Feb 14, 2018 11:08 am

A hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, "May I help you?"

The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window."

The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry, sir, but that's a personal issue."

The man replies, "Listen, I can’t get the window open... and that's a maintenance issue."
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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by HiddenHollow » Tue Feb 20, 2018 7:56 am

A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state,forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"

The wife runs to the fri-

"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!"

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."

The husband simply smiles, remarks "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car", and leaves.
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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by jsw14 » Tue Feb 20, 2018 8:44 am

Future Son-In-Law/Father Talk

A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out about the young man.
The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.

"So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a biblical scholar," he replied.

"A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"

"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé.

The conversation proceeded like this...and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, honey?"

The father answered, "He has no Job, he has no Plans, and he thinks I'm God".
BS & Brilliance only come with Age & Experience!!

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Re: Get a Laugh, Got a Laugh> Post It....

Post by beaverpond » Tue Feb 20, 2018 4:49 pm

I took the one of husband and wife and reworded it as son-in-law and mother-in-law...now it fits real accurate in our lives.

There once was a time when this happened.

My mother-in-law was with me riding here and there, she complained about me driving to close to the center, driving to close to the white line, driving to slow, driving to fast, complained that my truck sat to high, thought it rode to rough, and the list goes on. Finally I pulled over and told her "walkin' ain't crowded, you can get out and walk or put up and shut up, because I have had enough of your lip. You did not pay for this truck, you are not paying for the gasoline, you are not paying for the insurance, this is my truck, this was my pick of vehicles...so you don't like it, get out and walk because I am done listening to your complaining." She never said another word the rest of the way.

I know we are supposed to respect our elders, but they too are supposed to treat their kids or children that their kids marry with respect. But these are the same people that told us not to ever have kids, who also told my family they might as well leave because this wedding is not going to happen if they have any say in the matter.

Yup, we basically had a shotgun wedding.
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